Back when we were kids, making friends was as simple as asking "can I play with you?". We didn't have to go looking for playmates because they were always around, and the time we could spend with them seemed endless.

回想兒時，只需要問一句“能一起玩嗎”就算交到了朋友。我們不用特意去尋找，小朋友們就在身邊。與他們玩耍的時光似乎無休無止。

How time flies! Nowadays we have to go to work, or college, and can't seem to find the time to spend with friends anymore. Even worse, we have fewer of them. Making friends isn't easy, either, now that we're all grown up.

時光飛逝。忙碌奔波的我們與朋友在一起的時間變少了，更可怕的是，我們的朋友也變少了。同樣扎心的是，長大之后交朋友變難了。

But why should this be? Well, here are few possible reasons.

為什么會這樣呢！仔細(xì)一想也是有原因的。

缺少“友誼要素”

Schools are the perfect environment for making friends. Within their walls, children can find all of the three key ingredients that sociologists consider necessary for forming close friendships:

學(xué)校完美地滿足了社會學(xué)家所說的“友誼三要素”：

"proximity, repeated, unplanned interactions, and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other."

接近、非計(jì)劃性的重復(fù)接觸，以及鼓勵人們放下防備坦誠交流的機(jī)會。

Think about it, our best friends were usually our classmates or roommates, not the girl in another class or boy from a different school.

回想一下，我們的密友基本上是同班同學(xué)或者室友，而不是隔壁班小花或者那個學(xué)校小明。

Unfortunately, by the time we're ready to enter the world of work, conflicting schedules can make it difficult to maintain friendships — even for roommates!

可惜，踏出校園之后，我們各奔東西，即使是室友也很難有大面積重疊的生活軌跡。

Without the perfect friend-making ingredients, we have to take the initiative and put aside time for hanging out together.

“友誼要素”的缺乏意味著維系關(guān)系比以前困難，我們需要主動聯(lián)系，花時間增進(jìn)感情。

對朋友依賴降低

Undoubtedly, the older we get, the less reliant we become on the friends that we had when we were young.

毋庸置疑，長大后的我們不再像以前那樣與好友相互依賴。

This is partly because we begin to crave some time alone, and partly because of the relationships we start to form with other people, such as romantic partners, co-workers and relatives.

一方面是因?yàn)槲覀冃枰�一些�?dú)處的機(jī)會，另一方面，我們逐步建立了更多更復(fù)雜的人際關(guān)系，如伴侶、同事和親屬。

These relationships are often more intimate, more routine or more formal than our childhood friendships, making the latter seem less important by comparison.

與伴侶、同事或親人的聯(lián)系比朋友親密、日�；蛘�式。朋友不再是不可或缺的，他們的重要性便自然下降。

According to Emily Langan, assistant professor of communication at Wheaton College in the United States, friendships are unique because we choose to enter into them, unlike familial relationships.

麻省惠頓學(xué)院的副教授 Emily Langan認(rèn)為，友誼的自愿性意味著它沒有正式結(jié)構(gòu)。

They also lack the formal structure of other voluntary bonds such as marriages and romantic relationships. In the hierarchy of relationships, friendships are at the bottom.

不像戀愛、婚姻或家庭關(guān)系那樣受到責(zé)任或義務(wù)的約束。在關(guān)系等級中，它排在最后。

主觀原因

As well as the practical barriers of proximity and independence, we adults throw up our own inner roadblocks that prevent us from forming friendships.

除了客觀上的限制，成年人難交朋友也有主觀上的原因。

Whereas when we were children we would simply look for a playmate, we now apply various filters to the process — searching instead for someone who holds similar values, enjoys similar hobbies and has a similar way of life.

小時候交朋友本質(zhì)上是尋找玩伴，能在一起做游戲就行了。但成熟之后，我們會篩選和自己價值觀類似、興趣愛好相同，以及更多方面“門當(dāng)戶對”的人。

We may also be held back by popular misconceptions, such as the idea that we should not be close friends with colleagues, that real friends are only made in grade school, or that it's impossible to be friends with members of the opposite sex.

同樣，我們會受到社會觀念的限制，比如“同事不適合做朋友”，“最好的朋友只可能在學(xué)生時代”，“異性之間沒有單純友誼”等。

People change, friendships change. As adults, we may be pessimistic about making friends, but it's unrealistic to try and form the same friendships we had in college or middle school.

我們在改變，友誼也一樣。我們也許對于成年世界太過悲觀，但找尋學(xué)生時代去衛(wèi)生間都要一起的友誼是不現(xiàn)實(shí)的。

It's sad to think that we no longer rely on our friends as much as we used to, but this change allows us to embrace more mature relationships based on understanding and tolerance. It's not ideal, but it's real!

不再依賴朋友的事實(shí)令人惋惜，但這正是擁抱更成熟的友誼的契機(jī)。成年人的友誼基于相互理解，基于對物理距離的寬容。這雖然不是理想的狀態(tài)，卻真實(shí)。

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