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一位中國(guó)母親的焦慮:這年頭,養(yǎng)女兒實(shí)在太不容易了……
發(fā)布時(shí)間:2018-06-14 14:35 點(diǎn)擊:
在當(dāng)今社會(huì),尤其一線(xiàn)城市,許多家庭對(duì)女孩的喜愛(ài)絲毫不少于男孩——有些準(zhǔn)父母甚至直言,他們更想生個(gè)女兒。
但是……
前段時(shí)間,一枚上海的麻麻寫(xiě)了這樣一篇文章。
麻麻有個(gè)1歲半的女兒,年齡尚小。
但是,她已經(jīng)開(kāi)始為女兒成長(zhǎng)中可能面臨的一些危險(xiǎn)而擔(dān)心了起來(lái)……
(圖文無(wú)關(guān))
以下是GlobalTimes (Metro Shanghai)近期刊登的一篇評(píng)論,部分配有中文翻譯:
Raising a Chinese daughter is not so easy in this day and age
Up until the moment the nurse raised my new baby upside down in front of my eyes to check its gender, I had always hoped to have a boy rather than a girl. It was not because I preferred a son over a daughter. It was because I had foreseen that raising a daughter in this age would be more troublesome. An incident about a 10-year-old girl seduced by a 15-year-old boy once again reminded me of my fears.
直到護(hù)士把我的寶寶倒著拎起來(lái)去查看性別時(shí),我始終希望生的是個(gè)小子而不是閨女。這倒不是我重男輕女,而是我可以預(yù)見(jiàn)到,這年頭養(yǎng)個(gè)女兒要“麻煩”多了……最近看到一則10歲女孩被15歲男孩引誘的新聞,更是加劇了我的恐懼。
According to media, the young girl's mother, who is divorced, happened to see her daughter's conversations with a boy on Chinese chat site QQ, which turned out to be an intimate relationship far beyond innocent puppy love. The boy asked the girl to learn wenai (a Chinese internet buzzword which means to have verbal sexual intercourse) to satisfy his pubescent desires.
根據(jù)媒體報(bào)道,這個(gè)受害女孩來(lái)自離異家庭,而她麻麻還剛好看過(guò)女兒和男孩的QQ聊天記錄。這天聊得……怎么說(shuō)呢……比那種天真無(wú)邪的“早戀”要過(guò)火太多了……為了滿(mǎn)足自己那萌動(dòng)的欲望,男孩甚至教女兒“文愛(ài)”——也就是說(shuō),用文字做愛(ài)
▲10歲女孩的聊天記錄
As a new mother, I am sure that I will soon have the same concerns as that mother. However, instead of blaming the boy, that girl's mother should also shoulder the responsibility and consequences of not raising her daughter properly. After their secret relationship was discovered, the boy told the mother that he had no feelings toward the young girl - he was just using her - which was even more heartbreaking.
作為一枚新晉麻麻,我知道自己很快也會(huì)有這位麻麻一樣的顧慮了?墒浅素(zé)備那個(gè)男孩以外,做母親的自然也有責(zé)任:是她沒(méi)有照顧好女兒,及時(shí)為她遮風(fēng)擋雨。而更令人心碎的是,當(dāng)這個(gè)女孩和男孩的秘密“戀情”被發(fā)現(xiàn)后,男孩還去告訴女孩麻麻:我對(duì)她其實(shí)沒(méi)啥興趣,只是利用她而已啦
I have always believed that it is difficult to protect women from men. But now I realize that it is also difficult to protect a little girl from little boys. Their sexual desires emerge with puberty and they view female children as vulnerable and easy.
我一直相信,要保護(hù)女人不被(壞)男人所利用,其實(shí)并不容易?涩F(xiàn)在才發(fā)現(xiàn),要讓小女孩遠(yuǎn)離那些不軌小男孩的魔爪,也絕非易事。對(duì)于這些年少氣盛又不懂事的男生來(lái)說(shuō),青春期萌動(dòng)的欲念熊熊燃燒,而小女孩?不過(guò)就是些柔弱又好得手的東西罷了。
A 12-year-old couple from Shenyang, capital of Northeast China's Liaoning Province attempted to book a hotel room after school but were stopped by local police after a hotel worker noticed they were children, according to media reports in November 2014. However, other young girls are not so lucky and experience bitter consequences after a boy persuades them to taste the forbidden fruit.
2014年有媒體報(bào)道過(guò),沈陽(yáng)一對(duì)12歲的小“情侶”去酒店開(kāi)房,被工作人員看出來(lái)是未成年,然后被警方所阻止。這件事倒是有驚無(wú)險(xiǎn)地結(jié)束了,可并不是所有年幼的小姑娘在男孩們別有用心地誘使她們嘗“禁果”時(shí),都能如此幸運(yùn)地躲過(guò)一劫。
Another 12-year-old girl, from Foshan, South China's Guangdong Province, was impregnated by her 14-year-old classmate, dayoo.com reported in November 2014. After the pregnancy was discovered by her teachers, she had an abortion.
在佛山,就曾有一個(gè)12歲的女孩被14歲的同學(xué)所侵犯。女孩懷孕了,在被老師發(fā)覺(jué)后,她去做了流產(chǎn)。
Because many teenagers and tweens now have access to the internet on their own private mobile phones (given to them by their irresponsible parents), many young girls are more exposed to dangers both in reality and in the virtual world. They become the targets of pedophiles and dating scams.
現(xiàn)在的小孩子們,被不負(fù)責(zé)任的家長(zhǎng)慣著,幾乎人手一個(gè)手機(jī),能輕易接觸到網(wǎng)上的光怪陸離。而無(wú)論在虛擬亦或現(xiàn)實(shí)世界中,女孩通常比男孩更容易遇到危險(xiǎn):她們更有可能成為戀童癖和戀愛(ài)詐騙等犯罪者的獵物。
Thus, it is a mother's responsibility to take good care of her daughter and prevent her from being preyed on. Compared with boys, girls are more vulnerable and need more comprehensive protection.
故此,保護(hù)好自己的女兒,不讓她受到傷害,這是每個(gè)母親的責(zé)任。相比起男孩,女孩更容易受到傷害,也更需要多方面的保護(hù)。
My own mother-in-law, who raised two sons, agrees that girls need meticulous care beginning in infancy. For example, compared with boys, baby girls need their diapers changed more frequently to avoid diaper rash and infections. But boys can just pee anywhere they want without worry.
我的婆婆有兩個(gè)兒子,但她也同意“女孩自出生起就更需要精心照顧”的觀點(diǎn)。比方說(shuō),女?huà)胄枰诘馗鼡Q尿布,已防止寶寶起尿布疹,或者受到感染。而男寶寶呢?隨時(shí)隨地,想尿就尿吧……
And while boys can fall asleep easily, my baby girl can hardly sleep during the daytime. Generally speaking, raising a girl needs more care and requires more effort.
此外,男寶寶似乎更易入睡,而我家的女娃在白天就比較折騰了……總之,通常情況下,養(yǎng)女兒需要更多的努力與關(guān)懷。
However, in a single-parent Chinese family, it is understandable that a girl who lacks fatherly love will easily get involved in puppy love. And it is also understandable that a single mother who has to take care of her daughter while also struggling in the workplace might neglect her daughter's needs.
不過(guò)我也能理解,像這個(gè)被慫恿“文愛(ài)”10歲小女孩來(lái)自單親家庭,缺少父愛(ài)的她更容易陷入早戀中。而作為單親媽媽?zhuān)∨⒌哪赣H平日忙于生計(jì),疏忽了自己女兒的成長(zhǎng)需求,也是情有可原。
But this mother's reaction and the measures she took after she found out about the QQ romance are questionable. She exposed the whole affair on the internet and placed the boy and her daughter in the spotlight, which will make everyone's lives worse off. Such a solution might solve the problem this time but probably not next time.
然而,這位麻麻在發(fā)現(xiàn)女兒在QQ上的“秘密戀情”后的舉措,卻讓人有些費(fèi)解——她直接把整件事都發(fā)在了網(wǎng)上,把兩個(gè)小孩推在聚光燈下,遭受輿論的指指點(diǎn)點(diǎn),這不是更讓自己女兒難堪了么?這次倒也算解決了問(wèn)題,那么下次呢?
Correctly guiding rather than suppressing a child's puppy love is a more acceptable way to solve their psychological needs.
對(duì)于孩子們成長(zhǎng)期間的心理需求——比如所謂的“早戀”,一味鎮(zhèn)壓不如正確地引導(dǎo)。疏比堵更重要。