昨天，微博上一個(gè)話題引來(lái)網(wǎng)友熱議。

“男朋友月薪5000能養(yǎng)活你嗎？”

在一個(gè)街采視頻中，一些女生的反應(yīng)是難以置信，“一個(gè)月5000怎么夠？”

相比起來(lái)，男生們比較樂(lè)觀……

不過(guò)，也有女生非常帥氣地表示，“不用他養(yǎng)。”

網(wǎng)友們的普遍意見(jiàn)則覺(jué)得女生不需要男生養(yǎng)……但是5000塊，談個(gè)戀愛(ài)結(jié)個(gè)婚還是壓力很大的……

還有不少人認(rèn)為，這個(gè)調(diào)查的題目本身有些三觀不正，“我養(yǎng)你”也許可以當(dāng)情話說(shuō)說(shuō)，但如果戀愛(ài)中的一方在經(jīng)濟(jì)上完全依附于另一方，那么這樣的關(guān)系就不太健康了。

不過(guò)話說(shuō)回來(lái)，近年來(lái)，關(guān)于戀愛(ài)花銷(xiāo)的討論越來(lái)越多，看個(gè)電影吃個(gè)飯幾百塊就出去了，還有為提升個(gè)人形象買(mǎi)化妝品、報(bào)健身房的，一個(gè)月幾千塊打不住……

《衛(wèi)報(bào)》也采訪過(guò)一些戀愛(ài)中的男女。談戀愛(ài)真的要花很多錢(qián)嗎？男生和女生應(yīng)該誰(shuí)來(lái)付賬？不用花太多錢(qián)的戀愛(ài)怎么談？

圍繞著這些問(wèn)題，一群二三十歲的年輕人談了自己的想法。

1

談戀愛(ài)要花很多錢(qián)嗎？

Is dating too expensive?

@ Emma, 22, Washington DC

艾瑪，22歲，華盛頓

Yes! It’s almost impossible to do dinner and something for less than $50. I’m dating someone who makes more money than I do, and trying to maintain anything close to a 50/50 split means spending more than I want or being the less fun one who doesn’t want to do stuff.

是的！現(xiàn)在吃頓飯、隨便做點(diǎn)什么就不下50美元。我的男朋友賺錢(qián)比我多，所以每次我想AA，就意味著我要花超出預(yù)算的錢(qián)，或者我就只能做那個(gè)掃興的人，為了省錢(qián)這也不想做、那也不想去。

@ Danielle, 26, Ireland

丹妮爾，26歲，愛(ài)爾蘭

It’s not so much that “dating” specifically is too expensive, but just life in general is too expensive as a struggling millennial. A bunch of random dates that probably will never go anywhere, and some which you won’t even enjoy, just seems like such a waste of money. Is that too cynical? I don’t know … I’d just rather spend my money on the things I know I need and the people I know I already enjoy spending time with.

其實(shí)不光是“談戀愛(ài)”要花錢(qián)的問(wèn)題，對(duì)于過(guò)得比較艱難的千禧一代來(lái)說(shuō)，生活本身就要花很多錢(qián)。隨便找些對(duì)象也不一定能長(zhǎng)久，有些約會(huì)甚至讓人一點(diǎn)都不開(kāi)心，真覺(jué)得浪費(fèi)好多錢(qián)。這么說(shuō)是不是太憤世嫉俗了？我不知道……反正我寧愿把錢(qián)花在我需要的東西上，或者玩得好的朋友身上。

@ Chase, 24, Utah

蔡斯，24歲，猶他州

Since I’m a student, something pricier like dinner or a show is only a once-per-paycheck (maybe) kind of activity. As a man, I feel this more because the local culture here still isn’t very open to women asking men out.

我是個(gè)窮學(xué)生，貴一點(diǎn)的活動(dòng)，比如晚餐或者看演出，大概一個(gè)月有個(gè)一次就夠嗆了。作為一個(gè)男生，我對(duì)此感觸更深一些，因?yàn)檫@里的傳統(tǒng)是女生不太主動(dòng)約會(huì)男生。

@ Stephanie, 24, Atlanta

斯蒂芬妮，24歲，亞特蘭大

No, I do not think dating has to be or is too expensive. I would be happy with a date as long as it was a time the guy and I set aside to spend time with just each other in any setting. If a guy asked me to go to the park and play frisbee and packed us lunches that would a great inexpensive date. I don’t have any expectation that we go to an upscale dinner or that he take me to go see a musical or something. I also think it is my responsiblity to offer to split the price of the date, or plan and pay for the next day if there is one.

我不認(rèn)為談戀愛(ài)一定要花很多錢(qián)，也不覺(jué)得戀愛(ài)很貴。只要是和喜歡的人一起度過(guò)的時(shí)光，無(wú)論干什么我都很開(kāi)心。如果男生約我去公園、玩飛盤(pán)、自帶午餐，這也會(huì)是非常棒的約會(huì)，而且一點(diǎn)也不貴。我不指望他帶我去高檔餐廳或看音樂(lè)劇之類(lèi)的。而且，我覺(jué)得自己有責(zé)任提議AA，或者下一次請(qǐng)回來(lái)。

2

你覺(jué)得約會(huì)應(yīng)該誰(shuí)付錢(qián)？

Who do you think should pay for a date?

@Jared, 26, Brooklyn

杰瑞德，26，布魯克林

The guy, always, unless there’s serious insistence from his date.

男生，絕對(duì)的。除非女生堅(jiān)持要求付賬。

@ Dan, 28, San Diego

丹，28歲，圣迭戈

If a guy asks a girl out, he should definitely pick up the tab for the first date. He should do that for the next couple dates as well. After that splitting might be appropriate depending on the circumstances.

如果是男生約女生出來(lái)，第一次約會(huì)時(shí)，絕對(duì)是他付賬。接下來(lái)幾次約會(huì)大概也應(yīng)該如此。之后的話，根據(jù)情況，AA也許就比較合適了。

@Stephanie, 24, Atlanta

斯蒂芬妮，24歲，亞特蘭大

50/50.

AA。

@ Ana, 25, Glasgow

安娜，25歲，格拉斯哥

Whoever insists.

誰(shuí)堅(jiān)持要付，就誰(shuí)付。

@ David, 29, Brooklyn

大衛(wèi)，29歲，布魯克林

This is tricky because different women have different expectations about who pays. That said, I always offer to cover the whole bill. It’s not about trying to impress a woman. A lot of women don’t care about money anyway. They do care, however, that a man is generous.

這個(gè)問(wèn)題比較麻煩，因?yàn)椴煌�的女性�?duì)誰(shuí)付賬會(huì)有不同的期待。雖說(shuō)如此，我總是會(huì)主動(dòng)埋單，倒不是為了讓對(duì)方覺(jué)得我有錢(qián)。許多女生根本也不在乎錢(qián)多錢(qián)少，她們?cè)诤醯氖悄猩�是不是慷慨大方�?/p>

3

你會(huì)為付不起賬而焦慮嗎？

Do you ever worry about not being able to pay for a date?

@ David, 27, New York

大衛(wèi)，27歲，紐約

It has happened to me a few times in life, when I’m single and can’t afford to go on a date (assuming a minimum of around $20), then I’m focusing on making enough money to get up to that point. It might sound shallow, but if I’m low on cash I’m not at my most confident, and having something in wallet vastly improves my dating ability, even if we’re doing something that’s free.

我單身且沒(méi)錢(qián)約會(huì)時(shí)，焦慮過(guò)好幾次。假設(shè)約會(huì)一次至少花20美金吧，我后來(lái)就專(zhuān)心掙錢(qián)，達(dá)到這個(gè)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。這聽(tīng)起來(lái)有些膚淺，不過(guò)如果我口袋里沒(méi)錢(qián)，我就自信不起來(lái)。有錢(qián)的話，約會(huì)技能也飆升，就算不花錢(qián)的約會(huì)也會(huì)感覺(jué)良好得多。

@ Craig, 35, New York

克雷格，35歲，紐約

I don’t worry about being able to pay for dates. If my date picks something out of my range, I will, in an open and honest manner, say that it’s a bit pricey, and ask if may we pick an alternative. If you can’t be honest at the beginning of the relationship, it doesn’t bode well for the future. And if your date can’t handle the honesty, maybe it’s a sign that you’re not dating the right person.

我不擔(dān)心約會(huì)付不起賬單的事。如果女朋友選了一個(gè)超出預(yù)算的東西，我會(huì)坦誠(chéng)地告訴她，有點(diǎn)貴，能不能選個(gè)其他的。如果在戀愛(ài)開(kāi)始的時(shí)候你不能和對(duì)方坦誠(chéng)相對(duì)，那將來(lái)也不會(huì)好過(guò)。如果你的對(duì)象受不了這種直率，那也許你找的人不對(duì)。

4

不用花太多錢(qián)的約會(huì)可以做什么？

What do you do for an inexpensive date?

@ Alex, 23, Boston

亞歷克斯，23，波士頓

My favorite cheap date is walking. My current significant other and I walk for hours during the day. We often wake up, work out and eat separately, shower, and then ponder “What do we want to do today?” To us, this means “Where do you want to walk?” We’ve traversed much of our city and see plenty along the way. No pressure to purchase, and constant and renewing sources of entertainment along the way.

我最?lèi)?ài)的廉價(jià)約會(huì)項(xiàng)目是散步。我和現(xiàn)在的伴侶每天走好幾小時(shí)的路。我們每天各自起床、鍛煉、吃飯、洗澡，然后就想，“今天做什么呢？”對(duì)我們來(lái)說(shuō)，這就是說(shuō)，“今天去哪散步呢？”我們的足跡踏遍了這座城市的大部分地方，一路上看了很多風(fēng)景。沒(méi)有購(gòu)物的壓力，路上還有源源不斷的新鮮事物讓我們感到開(kāi)心。

看完這么多討論，我想說(shuō)的是，約會(huì)開(kāi)支方面，不一定非要分清誰(shuí)多誰(shuí)少，重要的是要找到一種相對(duì)平衡的模式，讓彼此都處于內(nèi)心舒適的狀態(tài)。

當(dāng)然，不管是男生還是女生都要記住，一定不要把自己的快樂(lè)和未來(lái)寄托在他人身上，要先獨(dú)立，再戀愛(ài)。

先獨(dú)立，后戀愛(ài)

為什么我建議大家要“先獨(dú)立，后戀愛(ài)”呢？

❶自己養(yǎng)活自己，真的很贊！

When it comes to personal independence, there is no satisfaction comparable to the ability to pay your own bills. Financial independence means that you control your income and expenditure and you are not answerable to anybody.

談到個(gè)人獨(dú)立問(wèn)題，沒(méi)什么比自己養(yǎng)活自己更令人有成就感了。經(jīng)濟(jì)獨(dú)立意味著你自己掌管開(kāi)支，不需要對(duì)任何人有交代。

❷ 獨(dú)立的人，渾身散發(fā)著自信和魅力

Independent people naturally tend to be a little more confident on handling issues affecting their lives. Being independent therefore means that you will be more likely to try out new things that you want, rather than what or how you are expected to.

獨(dú)立的人在處理影響生活的事情方面天然更有信心。獨(dú)立就意味著你更愿意去嘗試自己想做的新事物，而不是去做別人期待你做的事。

❸ 越獨(dú)立，煎熬和失望越少

Being emotionally dependent means that you can make the most of your personal decisions and go through challenging life situations without necessarily dragging other people into it. More emotional independence can also mean less suffering and disappointment, since you do not depend on others to meet you emotional needs.

情感獨(dú)立就是說(shuō)你可以自己做大部分個(gè)人決定，處理有挑戰(zhàn)性的生活情況，而不用把別人也牽扯進(jìn)來(lái)。精神情感方面越獨(dú)立，煎熬和失望會(huì)越少，因?yàn)槟悴挥靡揽縿e人來(lái)滿(mǎn)足自己的情感需求。

❹獨(dú)立的人，做決定都超瀟灑

Being independent makes decision making an easy task; this is because you have proven to yourself that you are the only person that will be really affected by the decisions you make.

獨(dú)立讓做決定變得簡(jiǎn)單，因?yàn)槟阒�道，你做的決定只會(huì)影響你自己。

❺ 成為更好的自己

Independence can help increase your self-value and self-esteem. The achievement of financial, emotional, social, career and personal independence gives you a sense of accomplishment that eventually changes how you rate yourself and how others view you.

獨(dú)立會(huì)幫你提高自我價(jià)值和自尊心。經(jīng)濟(jì)、情感、社會(huì)、事業(yè)及個(gè)人獨(dú)立會(huì)給你帶來(lái)成就感，最終會(huì)改變你對(duì)自己的評(píng)價(jià)和他人對(duì)你的看法。

The increased self-worth that comes with this independence is a great booster to your self-esteem and personal success.

而獨(dú)立帶來(lái)的個(gè)人價(jià)值提升更是增強(qiáng)自尊心、推動(dòng)個(gè)人成功的利器。

最后，我希望小伙伴們都能成為最好的自己，遇到最美的愛(ài)情。

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